SOL: A New Outlook

So today I’m starting something new, and I figured it would be a great way to begin sharing it here in a slice. So, What is it? Well, after some soul searching this weekend, and a not so easy conversation with my husband, I’ve realized that I have been really down on myself lately, and  I need to change all the negativity I’ve been feeling.

I did bring up the conversation with my husband Saturday night after talking with my mother in law. In passing she had mentioned to me at dinner that at a certain age women stop caring so much about their appearance and just accept themselves for who they are. My thought to this was, “Really?” When? When will I finally get to that place?” Somehow this remark stuck with me after dinner, and on the ride home. I kept thinking about myself and mentally listing all the things that bothered me about my looks.

When we got home, I brought it up to my husband and he admitted that I have been extremely hard on myself recently and that it’s been really hard for him to hear and see. He told me that he doesn’t think I believe him or even hear him when he gives me compliments about the way I look. Truth is, he’s right. I don’t.

Unfortunately, I’ve never been really “good” with compliments. I don’t know why, bu they make me feel uncomfortable. The truth is when he says “You look cute today” or “Wow, you look fit.” or any other positive comments he makes about my appearance, I DON’T believe it. It’s not that I think he’s lying to me, or that I don’t believe that he feels it, but it’s more that down deep, I don’t believe it myself. This is not an easy thing to admit. Now it’s even at the point when he says something nice to me about my appearance, instead of saying “thanks, honey”, I usually say something negative about myself in response. “Ugh, I’m so bloated.” or “No, I don’t. I look tired and old.” Something negative, and something self-deprecating.  It is really upsetting to my husband and he told me it makes him sad that I can’t see myself the way he sees me. Truth is, it makes me sad too.

So, I have come to realize that I need to change my own self perception and I need to give myself some self-love. To start, I figured I should try to come up with at least one positive thought about myself every day.  Since my husband and I spoke on Saturday about this, I need one for Sunday, Monday and today. So here are the three I came up with:

  1. My body is strong and surprisingly flexible which makes me a pretty good dancer and a pretty solid yogi! ( both Yoga and Dance make me feel wonderful so I need to add more of them into my life.)
  2. I have pretty good skin tone for my age. (just turned 45) Luckily I inherited my dad’s olive, Italian skin.
  3. I have a good sense of humor and at times can be quite funny. I love to make my family, friends and students laugh. (I really am quite hilarious to most 11 year olds!)

So that’s a start. I’m not going to pretend it was easy to come up with three positive things about myself, especially my face as sometimes all I see when I look in the mirror are the dark circles under my eyes. However, I did it and hopefully will continue to moving forward. Life is way to short to spend it obsessing about these things that are keeping me from being happy and enjoying my life. I deserve more than that, and so does my family.

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5 thoughts on “SOL: A New Outlook

  1. I love everything about this–your growth mindset and your recognition that something needed to change. Why is it so much easier to be hard on ourselves instead of seeing our positive attributes? I admire you for your willingness to reflect and love the things you’ve already identified!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I think stopping a negative thought cycle is so difficult but you’ve made a conscious effort here to do so, after a lot of soul searching. As we all know, change takes time, but I think you are headed down the right road to perceiving yourself more positively. Good luck! You deserve a lot of credit!

    Like

  3. Love your vulnerability! It’s hard to write those words, but you did it. Part of moving on and starting the process of loving yourself is getting it out in the open. I’m glad to hear you’re being reflective and changing the dialogue you say about yourself. Keep it up. Post those affirmations on post it’s on your bathroom mirror and read them everyday. 😄

    Liked by 1 person

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