Have you ever listened to the words of a song and thought it might have been written for you? Even if it’s a song you’ve heard over and over and then just one day you actually listen to the words, and it’s like, “Wow. That’s so me.” I felt that today listening to the radio on my car ride into school. The song is “Bring Me to Life” by Evanescence. A song, I have heard thousands of times, and never really paid attention to that much. However this morning, I really connected with it. It reminded me so much of myself a few years back when I was in a very, very dark place.
I try not to think about it too much as it was really tough time for me, however I’m also pretty proud of myself for how hard I worked to pull myself through it. It was not easy to finally face and deal with some pretty horrible things that I had experienced in my childhood. No to mention, the painful losses that my husband and I experienced at that time as we tried to become parents. It was a horrible, dark, scary time for me, and for a while there I truly believed that that was just the way I was going to stay. Cold, sad, disconnected, numb. I just felt beat down and damaged.
Luckily, I didn’t stay that way. It was a combination of being a new mom after going through the grueling international adoption process, and realizing that my marriage was falling apart, to realize I wanted to be happy again. So, I started therapy, I worked through all the memories I had somehow managed to surpress, all the feelings I hadn’t allowed myself to feel, all the pain and the scaries, and the ickies, and the sadness that came with it. I worked hard on healing myself, and then on my marriage, and thankfully I came out of it feeling stronger and whole. Now, My relationship with my husband is healthy and solid, and I’m a better mother, friend, teacher, and just a better version of myself now.
Truth is, I’ve been through a LOT, more than most will ever have to endure. Yet, I survived. I didn’t let the darkness win. I chose to be happy and live my life. I am lucky enough to have an amazing husband, a beautiful son, and am blessed with a loving family and friends, and a career that I love. I am healthy, I am strong, and I have so much to be thankful for.