I am feeling old today. I hate to admit that, but it’s true. The hubby and I had a late night out in the North End Saturday night with some of my cousins and their spouses, and the 8 of us had a blast. Drinks, Dinner, a comedy show with drinks, another bar for more drinks, and finally getting the Uber home at 2:00 am!! What?! We are in our forties, we can’t roll like this anymore. We don’t have the stamina of my thirty something cousins. Not to mention, I still woke up at 8:00 am and had to be a “mom”! Tired was an understatement.
Unlike my hubby though , I WAS able to get out of bed yesterday, go to the grocery store, clean up around my house, do some laundry, and even completed one of my assignments for my online class. Okay, so the 3 mile run I planned did NOT happen, but I was somewhat “functional”. I went to bed early and had every intention of getting up at 5:00 am this morning like I do every week day for my workout. Although, today when the alarm went off, .I shut it off and fell back asleep! I never do this. I usually can will myself out of bed, knowing that if I don’t get up and do it, I won’t get to it later. Instead though, I rolled over and slept for one more hour and needless to say, that workout never happened.
So, now I’m feeling guilty for not getting up and working out, but at the same time KNOW that my body just couldn’t do it. I am playing catch up. I’m still so tired from Saturday night and I needed that extra hour. Not to mention, by the time I was done with teaching all day and a staff meeting, I was not feeling it. What I am feeling is old. I get tired so much easier than I did 10 years ago. I eat right, I exercise and I take good care of myself, yet I can still see myself aging. The darkness under my eyes, the little wrinkles in the corner of my eye when I smile, the gray hairs that I never had before that are popping up here and there. The 5:00 am workouts that used to be much easier, are a bit more of a struggle. I always feel great when I’m done, but it’s not as easy as it once was, and that makes me a bit depressed. Sigh.
I’ve thought about getting braces again to realign my teeth that have shifted some in the last 25 years, or to get surgery on my under eyes, but then I wonder if I just need to somehow be okay with what is happening to me. Just accept these changes. I am healthy. My family is healthy and happy, and I have a pretty good life. I have a job I love, friends, a husband who loves me and thinks I’m beautiful no matter how “hard” on myself I am, and overall… things are pretty good. I need to focus on that good and learn to be okay with the fact that I am forty-four years old. That I am getting older and it’s okay.